How did I get here?
It wasn’t easy on how I got here, through lots of abuse, lack of self-care and self-love. It wasn’t easy and I still struggle. I have to keep reminding myself every minute of every day and practice, but some days I do admit that I forget and I struggle, I fall into my old habits and I have to remind myself of the how.
How did this happen to me? I am human and I do not regret my past. I worked and I worked hard. Every day I got up, I showed up and as I said before, I absorbed nothing. I went through the motions, the beliefs, that I loved something and that I was good at that something. I believed that my job was my identity, it gave me the confidence that I so lacked and craved for every day, to be liked, successful, and appreciated and to fit in. What is your identity? What do you do that puffs your chest out, pushes your shoulders back, put’s a smile on your face and you cannot get enough of it. Be honest to yourself, be real, nobody is listening to you, it’s your own thoughts.
What if that was taken from you, could you survive? Would you survive? Yes, I am here to tell you that you would. As hard as it would be, you would have to, but it would change you. People would see you differently, they would talk to you differently, and they would feel sorry for you, but they would also move on and leave you with the responsibility to take on the change yourself. This is the scary, tricky part, the hard work, determination and the 365 degree turn that only you can do, being true to yourself.
How, you may ask yourself. You look in the mirror and that thing, person, your lifeline is now gone. You look in the mirror and take a second look, what you see is changed now and you no longer recognize the person in the mirror and you are left to take on the responsibility of building a new identity, you are given a story, it’s your gift to choose what to do with it.
We have a beautiful life ahead of us and the possibilities are endless.
All I can say from living with what happened to me, there is a beautiful life ahead of us and the possibilities are endless. Please look in the mirror and believe we have no control of what just happened, they were all lessons, that we had to be given, we were the chosen one. Look in the mirror and live for today and learn from yesterday, but do believe that how we take responsibility and act today, will help our tomorrow. The pain will become a little less hurtful, it will not be easy it will take hard work to find our new identity, believe that you will never be the same because you will be stronger, but if you are true to yourself, and love yourself, surround yourself with likeminded people, it will be enough for today.
We all go through something in life, but I do believe we can all shine again, our light may seem dull on times but it’s not out until our last breath is taken, we are still here and we are as beautiful as the day we were born.
Angela